Chronic Fatigue Life
Where the heck have I been? Thank you so much for wondering, and noticing that I have been gone! I've had several people ask me what was up! In a nutshell, I struggle. I struggle off and on, usually it's on and SUPER on, with chronic fatigue. Have you heard of it? Do you know someone with CFS? It's more than feeling sleepy, it's more than needing a nap. It is fatigue that never.ever.goes.away. I usually have up swings and down swings, and in general they last years, not month or weeks. I will have a hard few years with extra hard weeks mixed in or I will have very easy years with flare ups here and there.
How did I get CFS? Well, I was a bright and beautiful (just ask my husband!!) eighteen year old who had joined Americorps for a year of community service. I was wild, full of energy and full of sarcasm, some things never change! I enjoyed hiking, swimming, camping, canoeing, and anything else outdoors. I was a vegetarian and into healthy eating, though hilariously enough I smoked almost a pack of Marlboro Lights a day.
After ten full months of service I was nineteen, only a little bit wiser but ready to take on the world! On our way home to San Diego from a three month job in Moscow, Idaho I felt sick. I felt like I was getting a cold or maybe the flu but it held off for a day or so. We made it home to San Diego and I went in and out of deep bizzare fever ridden dreams for almost a week. A friend took me to several doctors appointments and I don't even remember taking public transportation there or back. I didn't have pneumonia like the doctors initially thought due to my 103 degree fever and cough that wouldn't go away. I did have tonsilitis, but I still had to wait for the results of my bloodwork.
Several days went by and I vaguely remember my team leader offering to send me home, asap. He said my service hours were completed and that he was worried about me. He thought I should go home to recover instead of trying to recover on campus. I said no. I don't think I would have had the strength to fly home, honestly.
How did I get CFS? Well, I was a bright and beautiful (just ask my husband!!) eighteen year old who had joined Americorps for a year of community service. I was wild, full of energy and full of sarcasm, some things never change! I enjoyed hiking, swimming, camping, canoeing, and anything else outdoors. I was a vegetarian and into healthy eating, though hilariously enough I smoked almost a pack of Marlboro Lights a day.
After ten full months of service I was nineteen, only a little bit wiser but ready to take on the world! On our way home to San Diego from a three month job in Moscow, Idaho I felt sick. I felt like I was getting a cold or maybe the flu but it held off for a day or so. We made it home to San Diego and I went in and out of deep bizzare fever ridden dreams for almost a week. A friend took me to several doctors appointments and I don't even remember taking public transportation there or back. I didn't have pneumonia like the doctors initially thought due to my 103 degree fever and cough that wouldn't go away. I did have tonsilitis, but I still had to wait for the results of my bloodwork.
Several days went by and I vaguely remember my team leader offering to send me home, asap. He said my service hours were completed and that he was worried about me. He thought I should go home to recover instead of trying to recover on campus. I said no. I don't think I would have had the strength to fly home, honestly.
My test results came in on day ten of my crazy high fever. I have mononucleosis. To me it was like someone saying, "You have the flu." Tons of people get mono. I had no idea just how sick I was.
For the short-term my body healed! I was able to go to an end of the year picnic with my Americorps class and actually graduate. I had lost almost fifteen pounds and the better part of several weeks. I still can't remember them. I was weak, yes, but I was so happy to not have a fever or tonsillitis! I was finally able to eat! I was able to swallow!
I was home in South Carolina and had just started nursing school! I was starting to regain my strength....but I was sleeping a lot. Sometimes forty-eight hours straight. In fact no matter how much I studied, I was really struggling with school. I would wake up at seven for my classes, eat lunch at school, attend open labs, and go home to sleep. I was drinking enough coffee to serve a football team and still couldn't stay awake.
I finally went to the doctor. My family doctor. I told her I couldn't stop sleeping. Not only could I sleep for days, quite literally, I was absolutely never rested. I was walking around in a daze, always half asleep or actually asleep. She asked me a few questions and we somehow, providentially, came around to mononucleosis. Oh yes, I did have mono, it was months ago though. She looked down, then up, she explained that I probably had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, she also said it wouldn't go away. How little I understood, and how right she was.
I'm sure I will write more at another time. Chronic fatigue syndrome has changed my life. It never goes away. I was in "remission" for almost three years, I've since had some negative slide effects on the prescription medication I was taking and can no longer take it.
So that's where I've been! I struggle. It's real. I'm not myself when I have CFS, but I'm where Jesus wants me. In the perfect place to rely on him for all of the things I didn't think I needed him for. I'm in the perfect place to BELIEVE that he is strong when I am weak. I am being made humble, like he was. Asking for prayer, help with my kids, help with my housework. Pray I would rejoice in this trial. REALLY rejoice!
To God be the the glory!
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